The Complete Three Word Story!!

[Itinerant]

Well every five pages or so of the Three Word Story topic, I compile all of the words together into one big piece so that we can see it at once.  Normally I’d keep this all in the three word story topic, but since we now have one full page of this insanity, I thought it was finally time to make it into it’s own topic. ... that and, well, we didn’t really start a new story when we finished the original one per se, rather, as you can see from the first sentence of the newer bunch, it was more like a continuation from where we left off. So I gotta keep it all in once piece anyway.   (and if Venus still says no, I'll just ask Warkey. Yeah... I'll just play the mods against each other... that'll be sure to make me popular real quick!)

Here is the whole Three Word Story so far, all 11 pages of it... And more to come in five more!  

Once upon a Chocobo in Somalia was an oxpecker who ate cats. He was very sexy but he never found a cat to love. Daringly he screamed "Try the soup!" Even the Fly in my ear trembled when thinking about his transmittable anti-chocobo gun of unimaginable DOOM! Is "anti-chocobo" three words? No. Suddenly, from the shadows, came a giant ice pick wielding moogle with frostbite kneecaps. Santa Clause was drunk again and his elves genocided the hamsters!  

Meanwhile, the Tooth Fairy fell asleep on the highway and was struck by lightning! George Bush was in drag parading about when an atomic bomb vaporized the toilet. "NO!" He exclaimed as poop flew into the fan smelling up the oval office. Hillary adjusted her jock-strap while licking her lips, gnarling a bone, and laughing maniacally! Setting Bill aside, after killing him, to play with a human skull! [maaan, Hilary is psychotic] Obama wanted in but McCaine wanted no part in this instant, and sudden noodle soup flew through the open Narnia wardrobe.

Then the lion ate Mr. Tumnus and a sandwich made of lipstick and leather! Gross! He took some laxitives and ran through the wardrobe and smack into Rumplestilskin. The sly alter ego of Bruce Wayne was spinning hay into Heroin. [don't ask me how...] The Toothfairy told Rumplestilskin that Smack was cheaper. Suddenly, curious George burst from the oven. "Dinner's Ready!" shouted Rommnie. So everyone attended the masquerade in various costumes, including Batman in drag, wondering how recurring nightmares kept coming true in this happy opium den!

*****

So we gathered up some badgers and went to the grocery store to buy some pickled monkey testicles to feed the chained up mailman she had caught while on vacation. Marilyn Manson wanted a bit more up for her rotten and infested down and out rancid diapers. "This reptile scratched that person and ate the tooth fairy.” he complained, “Then the dragonballs were thrown at the pokeymanz and exploded, killing them.”

So the digimon ate some paste that they were fermenting in the open sewage pit. Suddenly, seven prancing cantaloupe flew threw the smog and crashed into more smog! The solid and condensed super-smog radiation caused mutations and impregnated the atmosphere with fear and stoned hippies!

Back at the ranch, a paraplegic child ate some human skulls that were important to the book of laws. Then Martha Steward attacked the McDonald's Burglar using an upgraded version of the noisy cricket*.  Then, the burglar did something naughty with a toaster and then drank some pepto bismal mixed urine. yum yum.

Well now what has Mr. Chocobo gotten himself into? A mess of debt with the FBI about some trouble with credit cards that were used to buy toiletpaper.

More to come...

[Rithran]

*sniff* oh, how beautiful!

[Itinerant]

Here's the next five pages:

Well now what has Mr. Chocobo gotten himself into? A mess of debt with the FBI about some trouble with credit cards that were used to buy toiletpaper. But it’s fine.  "Mutated and over-developed turnips will be taking over the subway station at nine o'clock tonight pacific time on CNN! Mutated gerbils will report to the scene of a highway pursuit for the sake of the last remaining gerbil food. Then some people will release a man into a world of happy cows from California with clowns in drag parading through the streets." 

So then we threw pies at Itinerant because we think he's sexy! We lied. Also there are ninjas throwing kunai at my face! Ahh!! Thus we will run head-on into a flat screen. *splat!* My brains hurt from thinking about this story. So it goes into complete failure of mass proportions, the end.

Once upon a time in Hyrule, Link is mah boi 'cause he wears emo clothing like an emo. "Chiwawas are cool dogs.”  An angry Pomeranian is about to bite the mailman. Then longcat (4chan joke) decided to defecate in a courtroom at Ru Paul's Wedding. The cleanup crew decided that butts need to be kicked because the Mr. Potato head doll kidnapped the president. Then the eggs hatched.  Out came Jerry Springer and the war between Kung fu Jesus and karate Buddha. This started against the wishes of the army of vegetables. Then suddenly and without warning Mr.Rogers took captain crunch hostage and tortured him until the day of his birthday. After that Derek Stiles took a scalpel and killed the aliens and ate them, and then after that the rent-a-cops flatulated.

[Itinerant]

It’s about time I made a new post to this.

After that Derek Stiles took a scalpel and killed the aliens and ate them, and then after that the rent-a-cops flatulated. "It was an accident." "No it wasn't!" The doctors concluded that the pig was roasted enough for the Thanksgiving Day parade. That made Papa Smurf jump for joy and brutally murder almost 9000 mudkips. Then Chuck Norris kicked Papa Smurf in the anus while simultaneously punching himself in the spleen.  That hurt. So Bruce Wayne stole some underwear from KMart because his got stolen by the joker several months ago.

An inebriated monkey summoned Captain Planet and told him Godzilla likes Wheaties. Chewbaca was mad! So he built a new droid out of Styrofoam! While Chewbaca’s new Styrofoam droid began it’s attack on Godzilla, Michael Phelps threw himself into a camp fire to test if swimmers will burn when doused in soy sauce from the dumpster behind the palace of Persia's King, Xerxes. Then Queen Ester demanded an investigation of George Foreman's That Sounds really Incoherent words said.  George Foreman's kidneys were made of taffy, Salt water to this sentence fails.

...okay ... let's try that again. (Rithran always makes such interesting posts…)

Then Queen Ester demanded an investigation of George Foreman's kidneys because his cooker gave her diarrhea. Later, Yoshi jumped into oncoming traffic. His reason why was because his brain was brokey by a colossal potato falling from the bowels of Hell!! Also from hell came the movie by George Lucas, entitled Howard the Duck.

Suddenly King Koopa went mad and kidnapped Princess Daisy (yes, Daisy... not Peach) because Peach was at Mario's house playing with the kids who were throwing fire crackers at Luigi's head. Luigi responded by using his vacuum -the Poltergeist 3000- to kill himself. Suddenly, Superman ate Papa Smurf's brains since the zombies became vegans and fed hamsters to your father's grandpa who previously ate baked potatoes because he was lonely. Meanwhile outside Joe's fresh bagel shop warkey was eating the nearby cats, but only those with black stripes and kidney problems.

[Honnli]

Man, this thread is made for the win!! lol

[Itinerant]

It’s that time again… time for me to fill up your heads with yet even more insane nonsense from the piano squall forum!  

The cat king… was a bird. The pirates felt slighted! …to the left …and were blown into twenty identical pieces. The pieces were, when described bluntly, freshly diced meat, though they tasted sweet and sour.  It was scrupulous.
Zeus and Thor threw thunder at the Hardy Boys, who then fell into Hades.  So they went crazy and pooped a whale, which swam to Nicaragua. This caused the nearby pirates to summarize this oddity.  The ninjas were late for the tea party, the Mad Hatter hatted madly, and expressed that he was erroneously apologetic since the tea was merely water.  
The water spilled,
A cat chilled,
And off goes
The angry cat.
(was that supposed to be haiku? )

A tuna fish jumped into the angry bear's open maw, while a hobo threw a curve ball!  “And it flies!” "what to do?” “Found some money!” He bought a Cloud's Buster Sword, which was named Excalibur.  King Arthur fled the scene and cowered fearfully. The fearsome monster feared the cowardly Populace of Disneyland, who threw Goofy into a woodchipper, while dancing around the haunted mansion in their pajamas, which was abruptly halted by a flaming torrent of bullets and grenades of varying accuracy. They all then penetrated the delicious crab meat of various densities until all was sliced and diced.

The carnage continued.  While Yuna danced, she stepped in some doo and started singing until Sephiroth arrived to claim her with much violence and much hatred forever and ever. Then it stopped when a hero rose up to the challenge of Jan Ken contests. The hero lost his nerve and chose not to finish the contests, but he wanted everyone to know he was joking about being extremely cute and fluffy, which was causing everyone to nosebleed ON MY NEW PIANO SQUALL POSTER!! Which then exploded! The Pain!!

Anyway, I've decided to try sushi imported from Japan for American enjoyment. It's tasty, but has so many bugs and crickets in the noodles made from the hair of green apes. Green apes came to my banquet and wreak havoc and give flowers to purple orangutans, which gave birth to WW3!! Canada joined the orangutans. Then absolutely tiny unmentionables attacked the Australians with passionate fervor and big guns and got slaughtered by leather whips and fetich parts. Then suddenly Saddam dropkicked his own penis into Iran. This was warking funny!!  Meanwhile, in Japan, Hironobu Sakaguchi farted. Beijing was offended, but not Hitler, whose nose was off, despite his effort to address the necrophiliac zombie bunnies while eating paste. But he didn't cook the hamburgers well enough, so the rabbits got fried and Warky decided to be dumb and sleep with a porcupine.  Ouch.

Captain Yaoi's fault.
Shut Up Genesis.
Absolutely freaking not.
I Kii You!
Good flipping luck.
Cut it out!
Really don't wanna.
Do it now.
Why, oh why?!
You started it.
You shut up.
Captain Yaoi is
...a big jerk!
We showed him!
Oh yeah baby!
Genesis Rhapsodos sucks!
Only on boobs!
on hairy gorillas!
Absolutely not true!
Liar! Admit it!
That's completely false!
Gorilla. Man. Boobs.
Never! Never! Never!
I have proof!
But that's you!

(and now back to our show)

Suddenly, Charles Xavior thought about a gigantic man boob, which caused telepaths everywhere to shudder in delight. “Please don't feed the womprats.  They'll bite.”  "Keep off the property!", it said. "Not really, no." “Then die! *bang* “ You missed, idiot. ” “ Beware the R.O.U.S.es! “Om nom nom. ”

What... The... Hell?  

The PS forums are home totheamazingspoonybardweknowasMichaelGluckalsoknownasPianoSquall!

Midgets pranced gaily towards glimmering parsley, which seasoned the Captain Yaoi stew.
It was nasty.
Yes it was.
I liked it.
Course YOU did.
You did too!
I did not!
Get a room!
This is better.

Suddenly, seven zombies… “SCREW THE ZOMBIES!” , said Captain Kirk, with Bones blowing poisonous gases into Garu ga mesh! “ Apollo Bless You. ” "REPENT or you’ll stink like MJ and attract mice!"

*****

Is it just me or is this story becoming increasingly more and more random every time we post? Can we all try to make a little bit more sense from now on? It's really not that hard, all ya have to do is just read two or three posts back before you comment. It'll make the story a lot more funny, trust me!

[Honnli]

Yes, it's becoming the "three word phrase" instead of the "three word story"... But anyway, go randomness!... XD

[Itinerant]

I'd like to remedy that... yes, randomness is fun, but only when we don't go too far with it. I've created the Three-Word-Story thread on quite a large number of discussion boards now and the times when it's been most hilarious are when people actually do bother to read back at least one or two posts before and then try to respond in a way that actually makes sense.

Take Ritheren for example, the way he posts does make the story quite a bit more random... but it also looses quite a bit of popularity in the process and so the amount of posts to the thread after that generally slows down considerably.

"Then Queen Ester demanded an investigation of George Foreman's That Sounds really Incoherent words said.  George Foreman's kidneys were made of taffy, Salt water to this sentence fails."

Randomness is great but... coherence is much better.